i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
