k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
