so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
