fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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