Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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