I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
