The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
