babies were throwing up all over the place
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My life is pants optional.
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