I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
