I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I smell like Dick and happiness
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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