4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
