what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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