So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
