she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
