Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
