I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize