Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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