KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
