omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
