I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
