We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
