he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
