how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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