I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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