Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
