apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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