My hand turned me down
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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