I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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