Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
