I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
