how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
