omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
