Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
