Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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