You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
