My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
