So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
