The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
