What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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