Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
