dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
