my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
