She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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