Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
