btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
