If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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