nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
