Me too!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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