My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
