It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
