So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
