i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is Oprah even human
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
