I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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