So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
