Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
