I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
