Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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