Are we in a gay sports bar?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize