I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
