She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
