so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
