Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
