so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
