i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
