Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
