We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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