I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Someone came in the potted fern
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
