The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
