Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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