My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
