We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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