this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
