You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
