i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
