did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
