dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize